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"A rollicking musical delight! The best family movie of the season!"
-- Gene Sicko

"I loved it...a feast for the eye and the ear; if only more movies were like this one."
-- Roger Prevert

Boot-To-The-Head Productions Presents:

Andrew "Dice" Webber's musical sensation:

Pippi Longshoreman

You'll feel like bursting too when Pippi bursts into song:
  (to the tune of "Girl from Ipanema" but with different notes)

Forklifts and pulleys and hooks to lift crates with,
Bundles of tubing and ropes to tow freight with,
Boxes and barrels and big crates of springs --
These are a few of my favorite things!

Three-hour lunchbreaks and falsified timesheets,
Standing around like a couple of deadbeats,
Getting sloshed to the gills on the wages it brings --
These are a few of my favorite things!

Ships on the dock when no-one else is watching,
Checking the roster for something worth snitching,
Filching a box of fourteen-carat rings --
These are a few of my favorite things!

When I throw up,
When I see things,
When the bars are closed --
I simply remember my favorite things...
  ...and then I don't
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And no one will be able to forget this heartwarming ditty by Max deNife, the ruthless attorney who befriends Pippi:

Oh, the shark bites -- with her fees, dear --
if she sues you -- wrong or right --
In a court you'll -- pay her dearly --
as her price goes -- out of sight --

When a lawyer files -- a civil suit, dear --
She's the one who'll -- get the bucks --
If you think you'll -- keep the money --
You'll find out that -- you're out of luck --

In the courtroom -- Monday morning --
You're being sued for -- mental strife --
In walks counsel -- for the plaintiff --
Is that counsel -- MAX deNIFE? --

Accidents and -- mental cruelty --
Negligence or -- any tort --
Oh, the Jury sits -- on the right, dear --
Now that Max-ie's -- back in court....

And Pippi's sensitive paean to the evening will keep coming back to your thoughts like a lunchtime burrito that was just a little "off":

I feel sticky! Oh, so sticky!
I feel sweaty and sticky and--say!
I think I'll pick up any box
that's in front of me today!

I'm unloading--I'm unloading!
I'm upholding each box prow to keel!
I'm so sweaty --
that my deodorant is starting to congeal!

See that tremendous box in that pile there?
How heavy could that box be?
Such a heavy box--such a massive shape--
Such a heavy thing--but not too heavy for me!

I feel like lifting! I feel like shifting --
each crate from this ship to the dock!
But in half a minute --
it'll be exactly five o'clock...!

[five o'clock whistle blows; Pippi puts down box and leaves]

You'll laugh; you'll cry; you'll love "Pippi Longshoreman" more than your own family!
Rush out now and see "Pippi Longshoreman" over and over again!

"Like the rest of the audience, I was spellbound by 'Pippi Longshoreman.' By the end of the show, there wasn't a dry seat in the house. On a scale of one to ten, I rate it a 9.681483125--go see it before the upholstery on the theater seats is completely ruined."
  -- Richard M. Nixon

The Unnatural Enquirer, © 1993 Trygve Lode (

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