This is by no means an exhaustive list--here are some more of the classic kisses:
- Socratic kiss
really a Platonic kiss, but it's claimed to be
the Socratic technique so it'll sound more authoritative; however,
compared to most strictly Platonic kisses, Socratic kisses wander
around a lot more and cover more ground.
- Kantian kiss
a kiss that, eschewing inferior "phenomenal" contact, is
performed entirely on the superior "noumenal" plane; though you don't
actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare it
the best kiss you've ever given or received.
- Kafkaesque kiss
a kiss that starts out feeling like it's about to
transform you but ends up just bugging you.
- Sartrean kiss
a kiss that you worry yourself to death about even
though it really doesn't matter anyway.
- Russell-Whiteheadian kiss
a formal kiss in which each lip and
tongue movement is rigorously and completely defined, even
though it ends up seeming incomplete somehow.
- Hertzsprung-Russellian kiss
Oh, Be A Fine Girl/Guy, Kiss Me.
- Pythagorean kiss
a kiss given by someone who has developed some new
and wonderful techniques but refuses to use them on anyone for fear
that others would find out about them and copy them.
- Cartesian kiss
a particularly well-planned and coordinated movement:
"I think, therefore, I aim." In general, a kiss does not count as
Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt
that one has been kissed. (cf. Polar kiss, a more well-rounded
movement involving greater nose-to-nose contact, but colder
- Heisenbergian kiss
a hard-to-define kiss--the more it moves you, the
less sure you are of where the kiss was; the more energy it has, the
more trouble you have figuring out how long it lasted. Extreme
versions of this type of kiss are known as "virtual kisses" because
the level of uncertainty is so high that you're not quite sure if
you were kissed or not. Virtual kisses have the advantage, however,
that you need not have anyone else in the room with you to enjoy them.
- Nietzscheian kiss
"she/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust
- Epimenidian kiss
a kiss given by someone who does not kiss.
- Grouchoic kiss
a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who
would not kiss him or her.
- Harpoic kiss
shut up and kiss me.
- Zenoian kiss
your lips approach, closer and closer, but never
- Procrustean kiss
suffice it to say that it is a technique
that, once you've experienced it, you'll never forget it,
especially when applied to areas of the anatomy other than the
- Doctor Rude