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Quotes: quotable, notable, and some of mine, too

The power of accurate observation is called cynicism by those who have not got it.
- G. B. Shaw

It would be thought a hard government that should tax its people one tenth part.
- Benjamin Franklin

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H.L. Mencken

Remember that at one time, this was state-of-the-art hardware
...of course, back then, the art in question was "cave painting"
- Trygve Lode

I feed upon the flesh of the living ... and I vote.
- unknown

If triangles had a god, he would have three sides.
- Montesquieu

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
- Hector Louis Berlioz

Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics.
- David L. Goodstein "States of Matter"

With lunacy comes responsibility; we have a duty to make life at least a little more surreal for those whose lives make too much sense.
- Trygve Lode

If you demolish it they will go.
- Songbird

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
- George Bernard Shaw

If you can't find your own way, we don't see why we should help you.
- Keith Ammann, President, Ayn Rand McNally Road Maps

"All the world's a stage" -- but I'm in no hurry to outgrow it.
- Trygve Lode

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

What we see is not reality in itself, but reality exposed to our method of questioning.
- Werner Heisenberg

Those who can, do. Those who can't, troll.
- Darlene Cypser (on Usenet and message board trolls)

These days everybody has a body they're at least a little unhappy with, whether they want to lose weight, gain weight, or dispose of the evidence.
- Trygve Lode

If we increase the size of the penguin until it is the same height as the man and then compare the relative brain size, we now find that the penguin's brain is still smaller. But--and this is the point--it is larger than it *was*.
- Monty Python

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
- Bjarne Stroustrup

Vampireware, n., a project capable of sucking the lifeblood out of anyone unfortunate enough to be assigned to it which never actually sees the light of day, but nonetheless refuses to die.
- Trygve Lode

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
- E. W. Dijkstra

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me!
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!
- Douglas Adams

Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a state of sin.
- John Von Neumann

It is not possible to simultaneously understand and appreciate the Intel x86 architecture.
- Ben Scott

There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
- Arthur C. Clarke

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
- "The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII"

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
- Ohio U. English professor

- Marcel Marceau

When you learn to distinguish between the container and the contents, you will have attained wisdom.
- Idries Shah

What's the point in being world-famous if nobody knows about it?
- Trygve Lode (grousing about being one of the more widely-plagiarized-without-attribution humorists, after Richard Lederer and Dave Barry)

Write a witty saying and you'll be remembered forever.
- unknown

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins
- H.L. Mencken

The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.
- H. L. Mencken

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- W. Somerset Maugham
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