A cold, light snow is falling out here at the treehouse, and the air inside has cooled off too.
But before all that started, I was talking to a filmmaker about an upcoming project (modified
low-budget SAG, but they do have their funding in place, or so I'm told). I don't
know a lot about the project, but I trust the guy, so I'm happy to be attached to it. At this
point, most of what I know about it are the naked sex scenes the writer/hero is putting in there
and whom he's written himself into the bedroom with.
As for me, "you get killed...repeatedly." "Repeatedly?" "Yes, you're very tough to kill and just
keep coming back."
From a method acting standpoint, this could be an easy role to play, since it sounds an awful lot
like my real life: someone else gets written into the sex scenes while all sorts of people try to kill
One way that nobody's managed to kill me off yet with is by fire. Getting set on fire has been on
my "to do" list for years, but every time it looked like it was going to happen, some kind of
technical or logistical issue arose that resulted in that effect being cut from the script. Darn.
Which brings us back to the "cold, snowy night" part. I have hot water heat in my house with a great
big ten-zone gas-fired boiler and valve system in the garage. It's been a little persnickety ever since
I accidentally drilled a hole through one of the hot water pipes while building a floor in one of the
secret passageways out here, and the plumber I called fixed the leak, but used his torch on the
thermostat wiring while he was at it. Still, it works, you just have to know the right persnicks to use.
Last spring I'd shut off the gas , including
the gas for the pilot light, to save on fuel costs, something I hadn't done before, but probably should
| ..."you get killed...repeatedly"... |
Which led to the inevitable problem that the boiler had to be started up again, which I'd also never
done before. I headed out to the garage to get the pilot lights going. It didn't work.
I tried some more, but it still didn't work. I tried adjusting the various knobs and switches to see
whether any of them would help, and finally, after turning various valves and pressing various buttons,
it started up.
More or less. Mostly "more." Actually, quite a lot more. What "started" was a fireball of natural gas erupting from the boiler and doing
a remarkable job of surrounding me. The hair on my arms, my eyebrows, and a decent amount of the
hair on my head turned into black ash and soot, which made me more of an ash blonde than usual.
It was pretty funny, and I'll probably smell like burnt hair for a few days, but the worst of it was that
the pilots didn't even stay lit after all that sound and fury.
I decided that the better part of valor was to locate and read the instructions before continuing.
Part of my problem is that I'm all too used to computer hardware and software and, as I have now learned,
furnace boilers are different. For starters, if you follow the instructions, it actually does work, which
is quite unlike most of the computer software and hardware I've worked with lately where following
the instructions does not work and discovering the secret to installing it correctly has been left
as a challenge for the student.
You know, I should have asked for a list of the ways I'm supposed to be killed off, just so I can
be ready. The only way I know about involves being stabbed from behind with some large
swordlike weapon long enough to come out through my chest...at which point, I'm supposed to
be pissed off by this, pick up one of the minor protagonists, and impale him on the point that's
sticking out of my chest. In real life you wouldn't want to do that because it would be unsanitary,
but in the movies it's okay.
No problem. It's all in a day's work. Gotta do something while the rest of the cast is rehearsing
those sex scenes.