Trygve.Com > MFW > Humor > the MFW quotes file
exercise humor parody
"Muscle cells slowly transform, morph, and evolve into fat cells. This is known as lipomoronification."
-- Mike Lane

"RACK 'EM WHEN YOU'RE DONE! I AIN'T YOUR MOMMA!"
-- Bev Brandt

"Life is too short to obsess on protein in Cocoa."
-- Deepsquatter

"The myth that women should not lift heavy is advanced only by women who fear effort and men who fear women."
-- Eric Midkiff

"I eat my veggies. I live alone. I stay the hell away from sick people. I wash my hands often, especially after being around small children who very likely framed the rats for spreading the plague in Europe."
-- Viki

It ain't rocket science, son. Just keep piling it on till you can't lift any more.
-- Krista Scott

if the price of stupid ever goes up, I claim drilling rights to this guy's head.
--incr@abraxis.com

I can squat, and will continue to squat. When I die, I'll need a T-shaped coffin.
-- Stephen Mulholland

Unfortunately my small fists will not satisfy Rob's MAN SIZED ASS BAGEL.
-- Krista

Hmm... It's not rot-13. Must be Swedish.
-- Viki

Umm, Alaska is part of the United States. It's big. It just looks small on maps, because maps are made by Texans, and Texans have this "small state" complex...
-- Kim Weeden

I have never given useful info. I have merely disseminated useless information that will make everyone else end up even fatter and weaker than me.
-- Watson Davis

I lift because it kicks ass. And there are so many butts just waiting for my boot print.
-- Viki

I can not believe that you missed the Thomkin's theory of reverse pronation as it effects negative and positive ionization. Once hypertrinated in a salvy solution, ones memory pyrvitie genonations will be inhibited. You are truly an ignorant fucker! :-)
-- Rob Schuh

Well, I'se just goes to the Eckerds and asks, Kin I have mebbe 10 amps of Parabolan? Den I'se gives em a 'script which is actually for something else iffen you could read the handwritin' cept you cain't. Mebbe it will work for youse too.
-- Bill Roberts

What do you know about me, Fuckwheat!?
--George UK, mfw

A personal theory of mine is that tomorrow, monkeys will fly out of your ass.
-- Bill Roberts

My life's a fantasy cause reality couldn't be this good.
-- Steve Kidwell

By the way, did I say to kiss my fairy ass?
-- Trace Eggers

If these are low pulley cable rows they actually work well. If he is pointing you towards the hamper strength iso foo foo back blaster or the booty mustard row, etc....smack him.
-- Jason Burnell

HEY I'VE GOT A SET OF WEIDER IRON PLATES AND THEY GOTT RUSTY SO I PAINTED THEM AND THEY GOT RUSTY AGAIN AND THEY LOOK LIKE SHIT DID THE PAINT FALL OFF BECAUSE I DIDNT PRIME THE ANDROGENIC ENVIROMENT OR WHATEVER THAT THING IS YOU SAID????
-- Billy Chambless

You do need to learn to get in touch with your inner smartass, though, and that's what we're here to help you with. Dickwad.
-- Greg Whitman

Has anyone seen my hair shirt? I need to flagellate myself.
-- Frank McQuarry

I work as a bouncer at some fraternity and high school parties (I like to think it's cause I'm big and strong, but its probably more cause I don't drink, people like me and I can be paid in food).
- MS Racers

I had half a pound of peanut M&M's for lunch. That disqualifies me from giving anyone serious dieting advice.
-- Viki

I love lesbians! What could be more natural than two women together? If I were a women I would be a lesbian.
-- Will Brink

Arse to the floor. You know it's good for you.
-- George Whyte

Being an idiot is against nature but that does not seem to stop you. Flying is not natural. Clothes are not natural. Uranium is natural. Would you want to eat some?
-- Will Brink

You exude brilliance out your sphincter like few before you.
-- ROBO

If sense were common, more people would have it.
-- Kathleen DeFilippo

It's that gendered socialization. We're told to be nice, be polite, and not make a fuss. Of course, being an evil bitch, I am excepted from this.
-- Krista

The USRDA for growing athletes for trenbolone has been established at 50 mg/day of the acetate ester.
-- Bill Roberts

Duh, John! Of course deadlifts hit the lats. That is, the version of the deadlift where the bar is fixed overhead and you lift yourself up.
-- Viki

Capt Kirk always did okay despite his rug, but that is because Star Trek is fiction, and also because the alien babes always got turned on by the cool fight music.
-- Bill Roberts

Well, I'm an honest, intelligent stud, and I think you're a pest!
-- ROBO

I was impressed with the PUMP booth at the Arnold. They and MuscleMag definitely were the winners in having the best lineups of silicone fitness girls, which is the main criterion for judging the quality of an exhibitor's booth.
-- Bill Roberts

heh jack... suck my dick; thank you.
-- CLC

That blond has a pretty nice set of foam pads in her bikini top.
-- Kevin Haggerty

Where there's farts, there's an asshole.
-- Billy Chambless

When in doubt, stand on your feet and hold the bar in your hand.
-- Edward J. Kilsdonk

If you aren't holding some type of iron-ness in your hands, then you're not doing it right.
-- ROBO

Mr. Rogers isn't going to 'roid out'.
-- Luke Schollmeyer

Forty thousand people die every day. Why aren't you one of them?
-- Thom Borland

you should never consume (or inject) a cubic megaparsec of any medication without a bathroom nearby.
-- Trygve Lode

Hello all, I'm just starting weight training today and could someone tell me what to do, and possibly lift the all the big heavy weights for me. Thanks.
-- Stephen Mulholland

DIRECTIONS FOR TAKING GABA 1) SPOON OUT 10 GRAMS 2) SPINKLE INTO TOILET 3) STIR 4)FLUSH 5)REPEAT PROCES UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS, DIVINE INTERVENTION PERHAPS
-- PezBoy

Yes, ankle weights are great. Even better are concrete shoes. Please use them while running on a pier somewhere.
-- Sandeep De

I'm embarassed to be in the same age bracket as you and dumber for having been exposed to your unique stupidity.
-- Sandeep De

LOLSFHPSSARLMSFLBP [ LAUGHING OUT LOUD SO FUCKING HARD PROTEIN SHAKE SPOOGED AROUND ROOM LIKE MONEY SHOT FROM LOW BUDGET PORNO ]
-- Sandeep De

I'd like to teach the world to squat With butt-cheeks to the floor And when they thought that they were done I'd make them squat some more.
-- Billy Chambless

Heh heh... do I hurt Dave head wif all dat skool stuff? Reesurch has numbers n stuf an dat make it hard for Dave to unnerstan. 'Sokay Dave. Your friends at da Jiffy Lube not have to no dat you not find you ass if it had bell on it.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

I wake up every morning and remember that I get to spend all day with me. It doesn't get any better than that.
-- Jason Burnell

I'm not trading anything with you unless it's been through the autoclave first.
-- Greg Whitman

I am three thousand, four hundred and eleven of your Earth years old.
-- Mike Knapik

WHAT?!!! NO CHILD OF MINE IS GOING TO LEG PRESS!! YOU JUST MARCH BACK TO THAT GYM RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN AND CRANK OUT SOME SQUATS OR YOU GET NO DESSERT TONIGHT!! AND DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU ROUNDING YOUR BACK OR IT'LL BE NO ALLOWANCE FOR YOU!!
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

Whaaa!! You think you can just rip your old mother's heart out? I should live this long just to see my child leg press? What did I do wrong? Nobody is going to marry you with legs like that!
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

You should not have sat on the dash board of both of your dad's Fairlanes (while parked outside the whorehouse where they kept your mom), for so long in the sun.
-- Mike Knapik http://www.apple.com/quicktime/trailers/fox/episode-i/320.html

You're an intelligent and perceptive person -- how could you NOT agree with me?
- Billy Chambless

I'm actually deceptively puny. If anyone tried to mess with me I'd let rip with an almighty beefy fart, stun them, then tickle them to death.
-- George Whyte

You are arguing for mud, where every fat or bad-bone-structure, no-genetics slob who is bodybuilding but doesn't look like a bodybuilder and therefore doesn't want to describe himself as a bodybuilder can say, "I'm a powerlifter" just because he feels like saying so.
-- Bill Roberts

Ass to the floor, driving out of the hole, my vision became darker as stars danced in front of my eyes. I did the only thing that I could do. I did one more rep.
---Kate Emblom

You're an idiot. Please killfile me again. It's so much better when you do.
-- Steve Kidwell

Evidently the chief export from the North into the South is morons.
-- George

Character is a more demanding mistress than anger
-- sandeep

You're confusing 'sore' with 'pain.' Pain is sharp and ugly. Sore makes you feel alive.
-- cindy

We shall call him SphincterMan: The Human Pencil Sharpener. The feats of his man-sized ass bagel shall become legendary on usenet.
-- Frank McQuarry

I am a FIRM believer in once a week group sex.
-- Aaron DeLuca

I believe what he was doing is known as the Australian Poofta Squat, known to build a very strong uvula. It does look quite like a curtsey to those uninitiated in the more obscure lifts.
-- Lee Hall

My mouth is closed and so is my sphincter. So don't even think about it.
-- PA

I think men should fear me.
-- Terra Cholfin

God, High School, if I knew then what I know now, I would have ruled that place with an iron fist.
-- Frank McQuarry

He wouldn't recognize common sense if it latched on to his ass and started sucking.
-- John Wash

In related news, Ford Motor Company will begin producing Vulvas in Sweden.
-- Paul Erlandson

You should be wary of people who keep a journal on an email account. With but a simple flick of my little finger, I could crush your inbox with 28MB of my ramblings.
-- Frank McQuarry

Titan, Saturn's largest moon, has an atmosphere almost entirely composed of methane. Does this mean there was once life there but it destroyed itself in some manner, ie: too many tuna shakes. Maybe we should send a probe.
-- Frank McQuarry

I tell you, Lee, we're identical twins. Well, except for the identical part.
-- Kim Weeden

I often find myself standing on chairs and proclaiming, 'I'm 7 feet 9 inches!'
-- Frank McQuarry

Well, I got myself right back to that gym today, and I worked my ass off (unfortunately, my ass came right back as soon as I left the gym).
-- Kathleen DeFilippo

Hey, Steve, if you need any help pulling your foot out of your mouth, you have my email address. BTW, have you ever gotten your head out of your ass?
-- Patrick & Gemma Styles

Yeah, boy I'd be so much happier if each and every man got his winkie whacked off. That would be so positive and Goddess-affirming. Pass the hummus and granola while I roll my own tampons from nonbleached organic cotton.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

We should get paid overtime to have to explain everything to Robo.
-- Sandeep

I kneaded some bread on Sunday night and I lost so much fat my pants fell down right then and there. Thank heaven I didn't fold any laundry.
-- Krista

I guess they lied when they said there aren't any stupid questions.
-- Greg Whitman

And in terms of the cardio, that stuff can chew through muscle like fire through a gas-soaked haystack if you do too much.
-- Krista

How come I never get a troll? All I get is Knapik or Roberts!
-- Bil Greene

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, and it hurts when I breathe, but other than that sore abs are no problem!
-- Viki

Sore glutes are really inconvenient because people will notice you're walking funny and you can't explain it away by saying, 'Oh, I'm fine; my ass is a little sore.'
-- Viki

I love walking up to people like you, with chunks of pizza and fishbones in my beard and my gargantuan beer gut poking out of my leather vest and burping fetid fumes of fantastical fermented fragrances in their face.
-- Billy Chambless

And verily the great goddess SQW'AT said unto you: Get your ass under the bar, boy!
-- Annette Howard

INFIDEL! I SHALL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD AND EAT CRACKER JACKS FROM YOUR SKULL!
-- Sandeep De

I've been in Alabama. Is ketosis worse than that?
-- Lee Hall

I really must be delusional because I swear I could also see my serratus. Probably just my ribs again.
-- Viki

Why don't you go play with something dangerous that might get you killed?
-- Annette Howard

The last time I was in Toronto I paid for my whole trip with US pocket change. I ran out of money just before I had to get a taxi to the airport, but we bartered for a minute and the driver accepted my offer of two pieces of pocket lint and one chewing gum wrapper.
-- John Wash

Come over the side of good and pick up heavy things, then set them down. This is the way to the acceptance of self, to the feeling of accomplishment and a feeling of self-gratification.
-- Watson Davis

You are doing 15-20 reps why? Put some of those LARGE round objects on the bar and all your dreams will be fulfilled.
-- Mike Moore

Powerlifters - we may be many things but constipated ain't one of them.
-- Jason Burnell

I have a variety of imperfections ranging from periodic bouts with halitosis to the inability to fold clothes neatly.
-- ROBO

I have a snag in my Leviticus. Do you think nail-polish will keep it from getting worse?
-- Frank McQuarry

I'm suprised a ceramic quality bowl would crack even if it is not intended for stovetop use. Do you have any shrapnel in your butt that needs to be sucked out?
-- Mike Lane

I've ceased quoting material which will throw me into hysterics (e.g., Dave Zilch's views on Christianity) in the interest of public safety.
-- Viki

THE LIGHT SABRE OF MAUL IS MINE! NO LONGER MUST I DISPATCH THE DISBELIEVERS WITH A HALF-USED ROLL OF BARNEY WRAPPING PAPER.
-- sandeep de

Mongo big! Mongo strong! Mongo lift one, two...uh....many plates.
-- Billy Chambless

When I'm doing some heavy squats I put one of those foo-foo plastic covered weights in my mouth to bite down on it while I squat. I don't know if it helps or not, it just makes me feel better to leave teeth marks in those fucking things.
-- Brent Lee

The universe always confounds our attempts to simplify it.
-- Krista

What is this? You can internet-benchpress little over 1.5x your bodyweight for 2 reps and you consider yourself weak?
-- Julien Gauthier

I've always gone to the gym with the conviction that I'll be the hardest working motherfucker in the joint. Make that your credo, and hope we don't lift at the same place.
-- Adam Fahy

there is one advantage to the leg press: you can load up the plates, do six-inch partials, and impress all the dimwits in the gym. BFD.
-- John Williams

If our leader got his knob gobbled by an intern, it might make the local news for one night, then we'd just keep watching hockey and forget about it.
-- KSD, registered Canajun

For the sake of all that is good, admit that you are full of shit and we may all move on.
-- Matt Staples

I'm so glad I read this before making another protein shake. I could have unknowingly ripped the whey into its component aminos, then compounded my folly by leaving the blender to further destroy the molecules, finally ripping apart atoms and generating a fission reaction in my kitchen which would have left me with some nasty radiation burns, not to mention a big vanilla-scented mushroom cloud all over the place.
-- Krista

French speakers are sneaky, diabolical and hateful. They cannot be trusted.
-- Mike Lane

Cannabol, the hemp-based complex carb drink. It makes you think your bench went up by 50 pounds 'cuz you can't remember how much you did for your last set.
-- John Williams

Don't make me abuse the FBI file on you.
-- Billy Chambless

Stop referring to William Jefferson Clinton as 'Billy', or I shall be forced to criticise you in no uncertain terms.
-- Billy Chambless

You just blew your chance at being my Secretary of Blaming it All on the Democrats.
-- Billy Chambless

Please stop calling me an asshole, or I will be forced to be involved in a fracas with you.
----afriKan

What good are insane children? You might as well get rid of them right away before they grow up into cat ladies and bell tower killers.
-- Krista

Life's too short to get pissed. Why bother with negativity? It makes you miserable and hampers the erection.
-- ROBO

I think it's clear the ancient Egyptians were deviant homosexuals. Otherwise, how can we explain those huge gay pride symbols they constructed in the desert?
-- Adam Fahy

So lemmee see if I follow here. You lead off with a general insult to the denizens of mfw as a whole, and then you .... ask for advice? That'd be like me coming into your house, slappin' up your momma, and then asking you to spot me a $20 til payday.
-- Steve Gallagher MFW:

Actually, it's not only a lab at med school, but an underground drug lab, an unethical psycholgy experiment, a cocktail party, a biker bar, a recording studio, a powerlifting meet, a thesis defense, a floor wax, and a dessert topping.
-- Billy Chambless

But wait!! That's not all!! We also remove stains, wax your car, silence screaming children, make meals in minutes, offer college degrees, firm and tone, slice and dice, liquefy and puree, and get shoe polish out of white carpets.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

So tell us, in which video does she squat so much weight that she bursts a blood vessel in her nose? That's the one I want!
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

Does anybody know where I can get an Inzer Internet Bullshitting Suit? I hear it can add up to 175 to your imaginary squat.
-- Billy Chambless

And that, my friends, is why so many people prefer the leg press to squats ... it just depends on what you're trying to build -- your muscles or your ego.
-- Billy Chambless

Where did you read these stories? In Shock Journalism Weekly? Come back when you can provide some peer-reviewed clinical studies because those are what we rely on for our knowledge, not the "news" dispensed by some plastic surgery disaster victim on Mass Corporate Media TV.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

After a couple of warm ups I managed to military press the whole of the UK........For 7 reps! But I'm waiting till I can lift Australia before I enter the next superhero powerlifting meet.
-- George Whyte

Actually, deadlifts help anything. You want more muscle? Deadlift. You want to lose bodyfat? Deadlift. Your alternator on your car not working properly? Deadlift.
-- ROBO

Better be careful, little fella. If your mommy finds out that you're saying things like this, she might unplug your WebTV!
-- John Williams

Today, I managed to improved my cadence so that I farted between reps, instead of in the hole. It seemed a lot better. I'm going to try for a consistent 2-1-2-f from now on.
-- Billy Chambless

Speaking of drunken bets... Never, ever shave off one eyebrow.
-- Kimberly Ann Weeden

If walking was so good at burning fat, then why are there so many fat bastard golfers?
-- George Whyte

I go to the gym to get fugly.
-- Anne Lincoln

Obviously, you've never tried to hang a towel on a smith machine! Now, that is where those babies really shine.
-- Deepsquatter

If you want to know more, don't email me. Do your own research.
-- John Williams

I decide where your fat goes. I've been sending it into your head.
-- Matt Staples

I crapped in your lunchbox when you were a little kid.
-- Brian Lee

Does WebTV come with a button that says 'POST SOMETHING REALLY DUMB?'
-- Billy Chambless

The English name for that particular technique would be "Retarded."
-- Adam Fahy

Your first mistake was assuming that trolls had brains.
-- John Wash

(...)How can I firm up my behind area?-Cute
Kidwell curls -AfriKan


Pets, kids, it's all in where you put the bowl.
-- justin thiessen

mfw is so much more about verbal abuse than training.
-- Krista

My goal is overall improvement in strength, if not for the purpose of competing in powerlifting, then for the sheer pleasure of hauling progressively heavier objects.
-- Viki

Best of luck to you, and remember, all of those caution labels on household cleaners are all full of lies.
-- Implicatus@worldnet

Why not use weights? Is it because you think you'll turn all lumpy and muscular in a month or two?
-- Stephen Mulholland

Yep, you've already been brainwashed enough. What you need is a complete psychological enema.
-- Bil Greene

Now if I could only think of something stupid/sharp/witty enough to get me in someone's sig file...
-- Kevin Haggerty

For those who don't know the conversion, 1 wee dram == 1 standard U.S. keg.
-- Greg Whitman

JUST PICK THE BAR UP UNTIL YOU CAN'T ANYMORE THEN GO EAT!!!!!
-- Billy Chambless

I must really be out of touch with people on this group. Actually, that makes me feel good. There are a bunch of weirdos on here.
-- Steve Kidwell

For creatine i put a whole bottle into a bathtub, about 10,000 grams, fill the tub with water, and just soak for three hours a day for maximum assimalation. Plus it leaves my skin feeling silky smooth.
-- DOpeshO8

endorchronologist: Doctor specializing in the effects of time travel on Ewoks.
-- Lee Tucker

Did you forget the apostrophe because you are using it for something else? Do you have your right hand firmly wrapped around your apostrophe right now as you put it to this other use?
-- Frank McQuarry

I'm somewhere between 5'6" and 5'7"
... except when I'm on the Internet, where I'm 6'2" and 264# of Welsh/Danish/Iroquois mad monkey love.
-- Watson Davis

I'd dig it. 'Behind those cute spectacles Mr. October is an All-American quantum physicist who loves fine wines, cosmology, and discussing poststructuralist discourse theory with a special lady. To keep his tush firm he likes to squat under large stacks of books and climb the stairs in the astronomical observatory.' MROWR!!
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

I prefer to type first and think later.
-- Mike Lane

Didja ever just feel like screaming, "LOOK AT ME! LOOOK AT MEEEE!!! AM I A FREAK?! I LIFT WEIGHTS! DO THE DAMN MATH!"
...um, except maybe I do look like a freak, which could be the problem.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

On behalf of Pedants for Better Imagery, I must point out that the word "asswipe" refers to something useful, to wit, toilet paper, which is one of the few actual advancees of the industrial age. Please choose another epithet to fling at brainwashed closetqueens in denial.
-- Billy Chambless

BTW, you're right, a majority of the male population is not gay. What they are is a bunch of pussies who are mortified by the notion that a woman might be stronger and more muscularly developed than them.
-- Bil Greene

I can see it now: Frank in his pink tutu and feather boa standing next to a glass case with Kidwell's Left Testicle Of Doom and The Sturm God's Diol-bolical Right Testicle.
-- Watson Davis

There's a difference between an opinion and an informed point of view. For some reason people always get them confused and think that whatever pops into their head is worth sharing as part of a debate.
-- Krista

Plus, they don't want to tire themselves out too much on squats. I mean you've gotta save some energy for the Hammer Strength IsoFooFoo cross body reverse lateral curl. That's where the growth comse from!
-- Jason Burnell

By Aristo's standard, you have two types of opinions: those that are based on widely spread beliefs or well known authors, and those that pops out of Mr. Ass Nobody's motor-mouth.
-- Julien Gauthier

As soon as you figure out what exactly I do, we can discuss your arduous job of being your franchise's #1 fry-boy.
-- Luke

F_ck Y__ Assh_l_! Would you like to buy a vowel?
-- Bob Mann

That wasn't people. That was Mike Lane...
--deepsquatter

It was some years ago that I came to the realization that the ratio of logical freethinking people to mind numbing sheep was terribly unbalanced.
-- Jeremy B.

Uno: I think not.
Billy Chambless: True

You've got a lot more stamina than I would've imagined if imagining your stamina was something I would do but it isn't because I'm too busy drinking beer and lighting my farts.
-- Watson Davis

It has been proven by guys in white suits that attaching a sig file written by Krista Scott-Dixon to your post to MFW does nothing to increase your chances of physical contact of the highest order with said goddess.
-- Chris (laytes@aol.com)

I've given up. I'm quitting graduate school and becoming a truck driver.
-- Anne Lincoln

I think i'll just stay in the Land of Tulips and Windmills.
-- Peter Varaan

IMO, the Tabloid Press is a fluffy, foo-foo exercise.
-- Adam Fahy

What's the target client base of your business? 8 year old remedial English language students?
-- Mark Deayton

Troll: large creature - CAPITALS Dwarf (optionally gay, depending of the maturity of the poster): small creature - regular letters
-- Lars

EAT MORE!!! 1 cup of milk? What is that? Like 100 calories? Not enough for an anorexic termite!!
-- Krista

Get your low weight, high reppin', bicep curlin' 'I just wanna tone' ass outta my power rack.
-- Jon Grimes

I never have a spotter because I've got long hair and everyone's afraid they're going to catch a disease from me or something.
-- Watson Davis

Luckily for the manufacturer, things like red dye #4 or deoxyandydroous parsulfamethaminalated acid warningnotintendedforfooduse don't have to be listed in their component parts either.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

I have one. I'm very proud of it, and I'm always whipping it out. When I show it to people, they either laugh hysterically or they grab it and stare at it in mute fascination.
-- John Wash

Mike, that's so insensitive and sexist! I mean, I mean... a woman shouldn't be judged by the size of her breasts. What's important is that she's naked.
-- Billy Chambless

When there are so many skillful ways to trash mfw regulars, why resort to trivial language discrepancies?
-- Drew Foster

A good tip is not to throw the javelin into a crowd of 5 year olds.
-- Mike Knapik

I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that you grew up in the South. I guess that's why you live in California now, you tree-huggin', tofu-munchin', Yanni-listenin', cell-phone-talkin', drive-by-shootin', lose-the-fried-items pervert!
-- John Wash

I do NOT listen to Yanni... except for his first 10 albums which were kinda cool in a bizarre Spartacus kinda way.
-- Watson Davis

It's 30 below right now with the windchill in Boston so shut up! Nice and crisp. Oh look, my dick fell off.
-- Will Brink

Strong words coming from a boychik whose photos demonstrate his undying love for Ho-Ho's and his skill with Vidal Sasoon.
-- Vitore Selca

If you don't want to gain weight, I would suggest getting some sort of wasting disease or parasite infestation.
-- Luke

Thank you for contributing to my campaign to be the most quoted man in Usenet.
-- Karl Groves

Not having a single entry in the sig list is completely shattering to my psyche. I have no choice but to assume an anonymous ID and troll Ed.
-- afriKan

Who needs the power of lightning bolts if you control the COWS?
--justin thiessen

If aerobics bunnies live longer than weight-lifters, they spend the difference as brittle, immobile nursery home inhabitants.
-- Viki

I love my weightlifting brethren but yeash....some days the metal things are not the only dumbbells in the gym...
-- Stephanie Starr

Sorry, asswipe. This is Usenet. You just got here from AOL. But don't worry. Most mental retardation facilities have problems with residents occasionally wandering off the grounds.
-- John Williams

Hm. Let me make things blindingly clear: 
|--+-------------------------------------------------+---*---|
   |                                                 |   |
   Universal Law           Humorously-intended Postulate |
                                                         | My supposition"
-- Justin Thiessen

Slink on back to assorted.stupid.whiners, enema breath.
-- Billy Chambless

After your failed character assassination of Krista, perhaps you should consider an easier target, like, say, Mother Theresa?
-- Viki

If you're not a US citizen, then you should contact the Canadian embassy (or the Molson factory, whichever is closer) and ask them about entering their country.
-- John Wash

I dunno, if we have to talk about 'competitively arrogant' maybe we could just say 'Parisian.'
-- Julien Gauthier

Steve, you've got to get your head out of your ass. Until then no ab training will approve your appearance.
-- Matt Staples

Naps are wonderful! This is what late afternoon seminars were invented for!
-- Tom Morley

Axilla: This is below your armpit. I was a little puzzled by this measurement since I have hardly any fat there. But I got a sari for xmas, and the undershirt that came with it fit snug everywhere else but in this area, so I got to say, 'fits great, but it's a little loose around the axilla.'
-- Viki Selca

I don't know what's more amusing: the fact that you have to ask this question, or the fact that you misspelled a two letter word.
-- Sandeep De

Every day I can see my cookie-chowing husband's clearly delineated serratus is a reminder that one of my ancestors must have mated with a fire hydrant.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

Did it ever occur to you that you are hemorrhoid on the anus of society?
-- John Williams

Shut up and educate yourself.
-- Julien Gauthier

I am not going to try and convince the people of misc.vegi-aerobics-catabolic that athletes need more protein.
---Will Brink

I'd like to teach the world to squat With butt-cheeks to the floor And when they thought that they were done I'd make them squat some more.
-- Billy Chambless

Squats, deadlifts, cleans, swiss-ball crunches; what a hassle! better to just not go to the gym at all and play with the bed sores forming on your ass.
-- Adam Fahy

You really sound like a complete retard, so I would just forget the whole idea and go back to sleeping with your brother.
-- Rob Schuh

I thought people in grad school had to be fairly intelligent until I got to college and met a lot of people who were in grad school.
-- Kent Durham

Hit your food as hard as you hit the iron, then be a lazy bastard.....THAT is the key to gaining size and strength.
-- SWLABR

Yes! For I assume that my letter carrier wanteth a boost. How may I then say to a dog, my penis is bleeding?
-- Rob Schuh

I am desperately curious to know which jobs are for women and which are for men. Just in case I'm doing the wrong one and my uterus falls out.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

I realize that people could have read this wrong. I should have put a comma after the 'Fuck.'
-- Pat Arnold

Will we ever decide that civility and manners are the way to go? I doubt it.
-- Lysis

There's no way that you'll be able to go from 180 at 11% to 170 at 5% without meeting Mr. Trenbolone.
-- John Wash

May your knees never crunch and your butt cheeks always kiss the floor.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

You fucking lame piece of shit. You don't need a pump, you need a god damned brain, asshole! You prick!
-- Karl Groves

m.f.w : This Ain't Spa Lady
-- Dan Finn

Unfortunately, my wife cancelled the lose 75 lbs and get boinked by George contest. So, you'll have to settle for the following words of wisdom: You're not fat, you're a powerlifter. Now get out there and lift.
-- George (Filmagic)

Go ahead and make a fool out of yourself, dickhead, but you know, I bet if you and Bil met face to face in an elevator, you'd wet your Lt. Worf underpants right then and there.
-- Cristian R.

No juvenile antics? Jeesh, that would probably be the death of m.f.w.
-- Bil Greene MFW:

Don't like it? Go over to the newsgroup for retarded weightlifters, alt.sport.weightlifting. I am sure that you can find many double digit IQers like yourself there.
-- Rob Schuh

Please show me evidence of where there ever was a sufficient amount of morality in society.
-- Krista Scott

Turn fat to muscle? THis AOL shit has to go!! How about a pill to turn a VW into a Ferrari?
-- Rob Schuh

Is this some specialty exercise I've never heard of, or is this just another case of apoptosis of neural cells?
-- jim white

If you can't do it with a barbell or a dumbell, then you're either doing it wrong or it's not worth doing.
-- Bil Greene

Most idiots just don't know what the fuck they are doing.
-- Steve T.

There are 7 billion people on this planet, what makes you think I should kiss YOUR ass?

And how did you guys manage to hit any targets with LSD taped to cuts on your heads?

Nice use of Really Big Words. Next time you might try using some that fit together in a way that makes sense.
-- John Wash

All I can say is WOW! The usual aspersions about Indiana, the GOP and over reliance on Rush Limbaugh as the source of all wisdom leap to mind but in this case, this nonsense is pure, unadulterated Kidwell..
-- Richard Jasper

This is a \queer\gun control\chemistry test\death penalty\sometimes about weight training\attack everyone in sight\dictionary wielding ng now.
-- Frank McQuarry

Many of us don't do aerobics. We burn fat and enhance definition just fine. So get back on your bike and shut the fuck up.
-- John Williams

Remember, you can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to Mr Happy!
-- John Williams

Are you just making this shit up off the top of your head or do you have some kind of DARE reference sheet?
-- John Wash

Use the trap bar for benching. It will not add 100 pounds to your bench press, but the idiots in the gym will see you and think it is the cool, new lift, and they will start doing that instead of curling in the squat cage.
-- John M. Wiliams

You're asking Ms Regression Analysis Weeden if she's heard of statistics? What are you going to do next, ask Burnell if he's heard of powerlifting?
-- Viki Selca

I'm no stranger to being on the outside of the opinion curve and I am an accomplished hypocrite.
-- Mike Lane

If you're really aiming to please, why don't you try throwing in a little more tongue action while you suck?
-- Viki Selca

Simply put, you are talking out of your ass, so crawl back under the rock you came from and continue with your 100 pound squats. You're wasting my time.
-- Ed Sturm

Say what? You look like you fell out of the top of an ugly tree and whacked your face on every branch on the way down.
-- David Welch

Well, that fits. HIT zombie, IOM, arrogant dork ===> Ayn Rand.
-- Bil Greene

Never pick at your leisure - you'll only make it bleed.
-- Bob Mann

I could give a $&%^ anymore about my biceps size. I just want to see a whole crapload of bend in the bar while I lift.
-- ROBO

Who the fuck wants to see natural bodybuilders anyway. It would be like reading a Hustler with all the girls fully clothed.
-- Robert Schuh, m.f.w.

Your theory is retarded. You are not a pro bodybuilder and I am sure that your legs are not very big either.
----Robert Schuh

MFW -- snotty answers to stupid questions, seven days a week!
-- Billy Chambless

You are a newbie to mfw and have done nothing but be a thobbing member. I suggest you go over to alt.sport.weightlifting with all the other know nothing 11" arm nimrods.
-- Rob Schuh

One of these days, I'm gonna organize an agnostic church, just so we can go door to door and bug people: 'Sir, are you sure about your soul and the afterlife? No? Cool, we ain't either. Got any beer?'
-- Billy Chambless

You guys need to get a grip. You are lame over there.
-- Bill Roberts

It is obvious that you have never used a Manta Ray and it is obvious that your retarded ideologies are what are keeping you as a pencil neck.
-- Rob Schuh

Bodybuilding with no drugs is like a woman with no vagina!
-- Robert Schuh

Why do you come back here? Go to alt.aerobics.numbnuts if you don't like honest talk about drugs.
-- Will Brink

Oy, lift de weight already boychik!...Whaddya waiting for, the Ahnold Schvarzenhoovah to come by? Again with the deadlifts! Feh!
-- [fill in the blank] on MFW

One does not have to have a web page to know when someone else's sucks.
-- Rob Schuh

All of our valuable training and nutrition information is encrypted into our seemingly off-topic postings. But we aren't going to give you the code key. So fuck off.
-- John Williams

Somebody needs to killfile somebody. I don't care who killfiles whom, but someone needs to do it.
-- Bill Roberts

Yes sometimes I am confused. Once I swear I saw a cow. But it was your mother.
-- Rob Duncan

Based on how limited your functions are, I surmise that you are a program written by a five year old for an elementary school science fair. I suspect this child wrote you in BASIC or HP calculator language.
-- Frank McQuarry

Basically, when Lysis said you were wrong, you should have figured that you were.
-- Bill Roberts

Yeah, the more someone knows about supplements, the more he will spend on supplements. That makes sense. To a moron.
-- Bill Roberts

He was a runner....it was therefore found that his brain was half the size of a normal brain.
-- Jason Burnell

Winstrol does not convert to much of anything, including growth!
-- Rob Schuh

I'm afraid he is mentally ill (this is very common around here) and on top of that he knows nothing of what he speaks.
-- Lysis

You take stupid to a new level.
-- Will Brink

You are really out of control. I'd recommend switching to decaf.
-- Greg Whitman

You have no idea how I have tossed and turned, lo these many sleepless nights, eaten up with the torturing thought that I cannot send you e-mail. Oh, the degradation, the shame!!!
-- Tim Cecil

You are hereby toast - I did my homework son - prepare to fry.
-- Mike Knapik

Your schizophrenic style of splintering threads and posting countless endless hysterical diatribes is beyond my capability to keep up with the volume.
-- Bil Greene

One day you will regret saying these words to me. One day you will be kissing MY ASS to work for MY magazine. Count on it.
-- Josh Brown

We bathe. It just doesn't help. I think its because of the squat induced incontinence.
-- Jason Burnell

BTW, I have several tens of pages of corroborating material for the claims made in the amicus material presented in the magnum opus on this issue, if you care to further, stupidly, dispute any matters of fact.
-- Mike Knapik

Fortunately, the pandemic of Imaginary Lat Syndrome and Minimum One-Plate Disease can be cured by a good mid-term or two.
-- Kim Weeden

capable of metabolizing 1000s of cc's of injectibles in a single shot, able to swallow bottles of reforvit in one swift gulp....
-- Aaron DeLuca

I'm looking for a redheaded nympho with big tits who swallows and knows her existentialist philosophy. Please contact me at kgroves@gte.net.
-- Karl Groves

You may have gotten this from Bill Phillips. He knows nothing about steroids (except, how to steal them from Samir Bannout's house, and also how to sell counterfeits.)
-- Bill Roberts

Imagine a picture of Greg Whitman and Bill Roberts with their arms around each other, or with Matt Staples and Lenny the Retard shaking hands. It's that weird.
-- John Wash

Well, well, look who's back: the evil and apparently retarded twin of e.e.cumming's cockroach.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

I know you didn't ask for a critique, but this is mfw and criticizing is what we do best.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

Well, if God wanted people to see my abs, He wouldn't have created pasta.
-- Tim Cecil

It's idiots like you who do jumping jacks in the power rack and get in everyone's way in the gym. Why don't you just buy a soloflex like pussies like you normally do?!
-- David Welch

You realize those questions were akin to asking Bertrand Russell to perform long division, don't you?
-- Greg Whitman

Shows what you know -- and about AI, I would gather it's nil. You coincidentally exhibit no traces of native intelligence.
-- Greg Whitman

I'm crushed that Lenny the Retard doesn't like me, Dave, so you'd better fucking be nice to me while I deal with my emotional distress.
-- john wash

I am going to Disney World. Donald Duck is my victim. Last time I was there, I was 6 years old and the fucker hit me in the head. My sister kicked his ass, but I still have a score to settle.
-- Karl Groves

Hahhah, oh, that's a good one there Beavis! hahahah! 15 pounds of muscle in 4 weeks, drug free....hahahah..... ....do you work for Muscletech?
-- Ed Sturm

I hereby submit (oooh) that the mfw flame lexicon abandon 'pencil-neck' for a more contemporary pejorative. Maybe 'DVD-Butt' or 'Co-Axial Cable Calves.'
-- Kim Weeden

Until you demonstrate an understanding of *something*, we at mfw will presume you have no understanding of anything.
-- Mike Knapik

Clearly it matters not what I say even if I can back it up with scholarship. I will now only respond to you using words pulled at random from the day's newspaper. Emu. Rutabaga. Winnipeg. Colonial.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

The truth is that Jack and Kathy share a brain. The sad part is that they got it from a cadaver.
-- Viki Selca

This is well documented. In fact, I've got the video of the Taco Bell dog giving your mom the Gordita Supreme.
--Jason Burnell

Careful, bucko. People with computer jobs may be weird, but they still outnumber the likes of you on USENET.
-- Viki Selca

I'm sorry to be the one to point this out, but I'm pretty sure that you're insane.
-- John Wash

This is a good plan for those who like to get double for their money: not just a weak androgenic effect, but a pretty decent estrogenic effect as well. Great advice!
-- Bill Roberts on 5-AD

I think you need to learn how to train a little harder and get a real ISP.
-- Robert Schuh

Ehmmm... if my coworker tried to 'motivate' me by telling fat jokes, the only thing I'd feel motivated to do would be to insert the water cooler jug into a randomly chosen orifice on said coworker's body.
-- Krista

You make Dan Volker look like S.J. Perelman. (Since it is unlikely that you know who either Volker or Perelman are, I'm saying that you are not funny.)
-- Tim Cecil

Go past discomfort, pain, and agony, and stop when you reach the threshold of insanity. It is normal to feel weakness, trembling, nausea, temporary deafness, nosebleeds, mild incontinence, and the urge to curl into the fetal position.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

You'd have to be an only child to come up with an insult as weak as that.
-- Viki Selca

Oh I am quite sure that Ronnie Coleman does not use any illegal drugs. Of course he is clean. No police officers use anabolic steroids.
-- Bill Roberts

When you are finally enlightened it is then that you realize that myself and for the most part Bill Roberts are the only ones that know what they are talking about :-)
-- Patrick Arnold

Mild incontinence....what is that? One little poo pellet? NO! NO! NO! If you are concentrating on holding the poop in, you cannot be concentrating on squatting. There is a two-fold meaning to "Come on, PUSH!"
-- Jason Burnell

So you are telling us what your opinion is, and not to confuse you with the facts. Fine. I suggest you go read alt.nutrition.fictitious, and leave us to our important discussions.
-- Greg Whitman

If any gentlemen ever show up here we beat them senseless until they're cursing, grunting and spitting like a bum from the docks ... just like the rest of us.
-- Bil Greene

I do most of my work on Unix. There's a PC in my office, too, but that's not my fault.
-- Billy Chambless

Writing in java is like writing poetry. Except that someone other than yourself can both read it AND understand it.
-- Viki Selca

Who needs steroids when you have fashion?
-- Frank McQuarry

i wouldnt want any meat where the animal was fed antibiotics, but do u know of any large chain grocery stores that sell meat from animals that have been treated with trenbolone?
-- Aaron

Idiots in the gym = evolution in action
-- Erik Przekop

Come on over here to mfw. We'll introduce you to your serratus anterior in no time.
-- John Wash

That's mensA. It's a group for people who are really good at taking tests but not very good at social skills.
-- Kim Weeden

I thought about switching my quads and my pecs and seeing if I can bench 315. But then my squat would really suck.
-- Greg Whitman

Go buy some real steroids and quit fucking around with all of this snake oil bullshit.
-- Robert Schuh

When did they start teaching the livestock at the moron farm how to set up dejanews accounts?
-- George

Try putting that weight across your shoulders and bearing the strain like a man.
-- Jon Agiato

The experience of which you speak in another post - this is clearly the experience of talking out of your ass, right?
-- Adam Fahy

No triceps, no calves. Narrow shoulders, a wide waist. I'm the anti taper.
-- Jason Burnell

MFW kicks ass!
-- quietcool@usa.net

People need to use words the way I do, then there would be no problem.
-- Bill Roberts

I can only imagine what kind of foo-foo horseshit fills your exercise regimen.
-- Karl Groves

Don't make me get medieval on your inbox.
-- Frank McQuarry

My Education Sturmfuhrers tried real hard to get me to be right-handed. They failed because I am just that evil.
-- Frank McQuarry

... it's time for the DEEPSQUATTER DO! NEVER ANOTHER BAD HAIR DAY! NEVER ANOTHER HAIR DAY, PERIOD!!
-- Greg Whitman

Look...Arnold took the stuff for years and it didn't hurt him, so don't worry about it.
-- Ken's doctor

When have I ever cared about the concept when I could object to the terminology?? :)
-- Bill Roberts

Ahhh, the feminazis again. So what are we responsible for this time... crop circles? Erosion of family values? The liberal media?
--Krista Scott-Dixon

Not to worry. Most of the mullets are too interested in the Cardio Kickboxing class or the New Hammer Strength Ulitmate Foo Foo Machine to ever look at the weight area.
-- Jason Burnell

I'm more of a bodybuilder so I don't get hung up on numbers as long as my abs are defined, I've got a cool V-taper and my spandex hugs my hamstrings! Otomix shoes forever!
-- Jason Burnell

If the bar ain't bendin' you're Greg Whitman.
-- Steve Kidwell Frank McQuarry (Keeper of the Schwantz and the Mr. USA Testicle of Doom.)

[T]here are women who are slender and very beautiful, and then there're those who appear to have been roadkilled by the street-cleaner of liposuction.
-- Justin Thiessen

Basically I think this whole thing is just another blunder by the deadbeat elf.
-- Bill Roberts

That's true. For instance, when I tried a workout like Lesley's talking about, three of my tentacles fell off, but gained a HELL of a lot of thickness in the upper wings.
-- Billy Chambless

But then again, this doesn't look like it's gonna be one of those Knapik-Roberts endless wordwars: the antagonist just isn't good enough...
-- Julien Gauthier

Sherman already destroyed Georgia; we don't need Knapik to lay further waste to the landscape.
-- Bill Roberts

[Toning:] its just a buzzword to sell cheap weightlifting to chicks who are too lazy to do the real thing.
-- Julien Gauthier

Without some sort of lobotomy (do-it-yourself home lobotomy kits available from EAS), you will not be able to take anything [Mike] Mentzer has to say seriously.
-- Bil Greene

Having another person control the fundamentals of your body is problematic. You get fit because YOU want to, not because some goof wants to date a human xylophone.
-- Krista Scott-Dixon

Smite the HITtites!! Slay them unto the very last one-set-to-failure zealot amongst their number!! Verily, put to the sword their very wives, and their children, and their oxen, and their goats, and their wildebeests, and their orangutangs, and .....
-- Steve Gallagher

Hey- you want to stick your head in the sand, have fun eating dirt.
-- Stephanie Starr

Find the L on your keyboard. Go ahead, I'll wait. OK, ready? Pull it off and stick it in the middle of your forehead. This will allow people to know you are a LOSER even before you open your mouth and save them a few minutes of time.
-- Patrick Styles

Don't mind me, I'm just harassing the children.
-- Tim Fogarty

I hope you have some kind of damage to your vocal cords; it would be dangerous to have an enlightened genius like you dispensing advice to others in any place other than a puppet show in a mental asylum.
-- Sandeep De

It would be a huge loss to the scientific community to lose someone like you though. After all, there is so much protest against testing on animals these days.
-- Sandeep De

Mike is out to get me, along with "Bil" Greene, Greg Whitman, and Steve Kidwell, and no doubt many others. Part of his psychological warfare is to accuse me of being a conspiracy theorist, or to imply it. Luckily I found out about wearing aluminum foil on my head to keep their microwave beams from controlling my thought processes.
-- Bill Roberts

Next time, I'm comin down on your inbox like Oprah on a ham, mister.
-- Frank McQuarry

What are you saying? Why don't you make any sense? I killfile you now.
-- Adam Fahy

I'm starting to think that a strict diet of brass shavings, gravel, and used motor oil would be an improvement over what the average American eats.
-- David Winters